Today I’m not ‘feeling’ people. The one I have to spend time with constantly (the other half) is irritating the shit out of me so much I don’t want to be around anyone. I know it’s not his fault and I’m no Florence Nightingale, believe me. I don’t know what’s up with me. The slightest thing sets me off and mainly as soon as I wake up. I’m known for my little strops but they don’t normally last long and ends with me bashfully apologising to everyone I’ve come across. But today I did my chores stomping around then left for the shop. I thought the walk would do me good despite the strong wind and biting cold, but not even this calmed my mood, which increased my irritation even more. I’ve come back and started the laundry, completely ignoring him just answering the boys when I must. I’m trying not to take it out on them. But take WHAT out on them?? I don’t know why I feel so pissed off! Maybe it’s the medication, I have been on some highs and some lows, it’s just worrying me now as it’s lasted most of the day. Like I said I normally feel a bit of a plonk by now and the other half has a great knack for doing something that makes me feel sorry for him or makes me see I’m just being a bitch. That’s annoying too…….knowing you’re out-of-order but unable to stop it.
Maybe I feel like I’m losing myself a little since all the TB drama? I had just begun to get some sort of social life together when I became ill. When it took hold at first I’d been on my first holiday with the boys and my mate Della and her kids. It was great, even if I was ill most the time, to be independent. I can admit that the beginning of last year was the first time I began to actually feel like an adult. Do I feel like a silly little girl again now? I don’t know! I don’t think so………maybe I’ve just been stagnant for too long. Maybe it’s time to get my head into working mode. Or maybe this is just a bad day, we all have them! Am I making mountains out of mole hills? Probably. How annoying our brain chemistry can be!!